Well, dunno about you people out there but it’s a bit hot here ona farm Yep. Me. Billy BC here.

Trouble is that when its hot and dry, The Boss gets a bit blimmin’ grumpy and it’s often best to give him a bita a swerve when we’re out ina paddocks. Been known to throw the odd swear word in my direktion too.

He reckons he’s ‘sik’n’bloodytired’ of hearin’ about climate change when he can see the blimmin’ grass is drying up before his eyes. And he reckin’s if the world is warming up, why wuz Amerika, and Europe and half China and Russia freezin their pants off? He says there’s blizzards all over, but Northland is turnin’ into dust. “And I tell yer wot Dog,” he said ter me. “This global warmin’ thing is startin’ ter look like a wasta space!

“A survey shows most Kiwis don’t believe global warming is real. Well I’m not surprised,” the Boss went on, “becuz if ya read the papers, it seems a few blokes in the scientific world have gone off half-cocked.”

The Boss went onta explain ter me about how climate figures have been juggled all over the place in some emails — that’s some sorta messages that humans send through the air. Me, I get me emails at tree stumps and car tyres eh?

Then he reckin’s a huge theory on global warmin’ adopted by the United Nations and governments turned out to be the mutterings of some obscure Indian university academic who isn’t even workin’ anywhere anymore.

“Anyway Dog. Just lookit the latest. Now China’s gotta million people stranded in snow. But yer gotta remember its winter over there. An’ it’s summer over here. Surprise, surprise Dog.”

We wuz trackin’ over the back paddocks at the time and the ground was so cracked up I hadta watch where we wuz walkin’. Even the farm dams have just about dried up. “Could do with a bita snow here”, the Boss said.

We got back ter the house and his skoolteacher girlfriend had turned up, she’s awright of course, brings me the odd roast bone. This time she hada parcel a’ left over ham. It’s tough here ona farm.

Anyway, she had a ‘cyclopedia or somethin’ and got The Boss ona couch. Well, after a while The Boss came out to me oil drum ter give me the ham with me Tux.

“Y’know what Dog. Sharlene reckins up in Greenland, wot’s frozen over in ice, they used ter be green paddocks. People used to farm the place a few hundred years ago.

“So it’s all got me a bit buggered really. If the planet is warmin’ up — it’s bin coolin’ down for a hell of a lot longer. Anyway, orl we want is some bloody rain!

Yer tellin’ me! I gotta get mosta me drinks when we are out workin’ ona farm from the cattle troffs. And that’s getting a bit rancid ter my taste. Boss is not so bad off. He’s got plenty a’ beer.

But he’s also bitchin’ about the cost of water from the tanker.

Never rains but it paws eh! (Ok — sorry.)

Better be off — Billy.