A dog’s tail …

by Paul Campbell

More big werds froma Boss, eh?

“Well, Dog looks ta me like you are ona pig’s back, eh. Like you ina aristo-dog-racy even.”

Gidday readas. Once agin Boss has come out wiv words that jus’ get me confused. Wot wood I be doin’ ona pigs back? Sheep’s, ok, ina yards its quika to go over the top of ‘em wen ya gotta be somewear.

As usual, Boss’s gerlfrend Sharlene come to me resku. “Wot he means Billy,” she sed “is that tha kouncil is lookin’ at sortin’ out there dog rules. You’ll ‘member wen we was in Dargyville last time atta supermarkit, an some townie dogs were chasin cars upa street?”

Of course, I did too. I wus ona back ofa ute, an’ I seen some scruffy lookin’ dogs running round wiv nuthin’ to do ‘cept bark an fite, an’ I even saw won wot dun his bizniss ona footpath wear peeple was walkin’. I ‘member Boss sayin’ ter Sharlene that tha kouncil needed ter sort them dogs out.

“Well, Billy,” Boss sed then. “We got sum papas ina mail, ter ask wot we shud do about dog rules, an’ I suppose you included. But as you a werking dog, y’no, wiv’ good training an’ responsible like, you get a few exemptions.

Like I said, yer aristodogracy.”

“That’s wot he meens about bein’ ina pigs back,” sed Sharlene. “Ya ina good place. We humans call it aristocracy. Boss is jus’ trying ter be clever again.” She looked atta papers froma mail box atta kattil stop, an used her skoolteacher voice:

“Kaipara District Council is proposing to amend the rules for dogs in the District? The Council wants to know what you think of these rules which will control: Where dogs need to be on leashes. Where dogs are not allowed.

How many dogs a person can keep in urban areas. The cut-off date for submissions is 4.30 pm April 10 2019.”

“Yep,” seda Boss. “Peeple can say wot thay think of dogs havin’ ter be ona leash, wen they out an’ about. An peeple gitta pick up after them wen they do there business.

“There sum more rules for diffrint places ina district too.

But ya don’t havta wurry too much Dog, ‘cos you got the hole farm for a bathroom eh? Boss give a chuckle. “But yer might havta get ona leash it we goin’ ter the vets!”

I give Boss the look then. Tha one witch says you want ter take me to tha vet, ya gonna have find me ona proppity first — an’ I’ll be hiding over ina bush block wen ya try. Leash? Ya’ll need Sharlene ta help ya, ana the dog box ona back ofa ute too! Sharlene saw me look, an she unnerstood. “Don’t wurry Billy. You a picture of health. Boss just stirring ya up.”

As he does eh readas! But I’m blimmin glad I live ona farm eh? See ya.