A dog’s tail…

by Paul Campbell

Daylite savin’ wether begins

“Well, Dog, we mite havta sling yer a fadge froma woolshed inter yer kennil, if this keeps up.”

Gidday readas. Well, just fer once, I connectid wiv wot Boss was saying. We was sittin ona steps of tha woolshed, wile we was werking out why it was time fer smoko, but no sine of his gerlfrend, Sharlene wiv scones an’ cuppatees. Boss used his sell fone to call Sharlene ata homested. Wen she ansid, I heard her use her loudest voice, an Boss shut offa fone reel quick.

“Whoops Dog,” he sed. “Seems we mucked up. The guvmint changed the time, an we reckined it was 10 o’clock and smoko time, but it’s only 9 o’clock. We gotta wait anuther our before Sharlene will be hear. Mite as well get yer fadge orginised eh?”

Akterly readas, Boss is spot on. I dunno if it’s that daylite saving thingy ter blame, but it got pritty chilly in me kennil ona weekend. Anotha laya is a blimmin good idea I reckin.

Well, after getting’ me bed sortid, Sharlene had arrived for smoko. She hada bit of a laff ata Boss getting’ his time outa whack too. But sed he used his noggin about the weather getting’ chilli. She hada papa too, an’ she read in her skoolteacha voice:

“It’s almost time to bring out the winter woollies, with rain expected for most of the country. In South Island, temperatures were as low as minus 4.8C.“

She put downa papa, an sed,”bit ofa sutherly wind getting’ up ona Kaipra Harbour just now, so we gotta expict things getting’ a bit cooler. Mite get that ‘lectric blanket back ona bed, be prepared eh.”

Boss slurpt his cuppatees an’ said it was a good idee, an dropt his bitta scone.

Heheh readas, it was gone before it hit the step eh. Boss give me a look, but Sharlene giv me a pat. “Yep Billy, you cleen up afta Boss makes a mess,” so he didint say anythin’.

He just hada look ata papa. Then he giva bit ofa grunt.

“Says here they gonna find a new name for a Croosadas footy team, cos sum peeple got the idea it not political korrect! Mite upset sum religion. I reckin that’s going a bit loopy.”

Sharlene said it was cos of the tragidy wot happened in Christcherch. But Boss said it was a ‘knee jerk reacshin’. “Look,” he sed, “better we rename the Warriors league teem, ‘cos it mite upset the anty-war peeple. But hey, wot about tha Orl Blacks then. That mite be a bit racist to start with eh? An’ look ovasees — wot about them Dallas Cowboys yankee footy team, might upset the Indians eh?”

Sharlene pict up the cuppatees trey, an’ give me a wink. Boss was still havin’ a rant to hisself. “We’ll leeve Boss too it eh Billy? Come wiv me, gotta scone wiv yer name on it.” Don’t ask me twice, eh readas?

Cheers, Billy