A dog’s tail …

by Paul Campbell

Budgit time ona farm

“Well hear we goes again. Probibly smokes will go up, bear will go up, same old, same old.”

Gidday readas. Before I hada give Boss me puzzild look, his gerfrend Sharlene give me a pat an’ sed. “Don’t wurry Billy, its commin’ up Budgit Time, wen tha govmint sets out wot it’s gonna take, an’ wot it’s gonna spend.

And it always seems ter stick it to the workin’ man and womin, with more tax on our little pleasures.”

Well, readas, I no the Boss likes his bears, an’ Sharlene likes a whine, but they duzzint smoke, so that shoudint wurry them.

“Nah Dog,” seda Boss, like readin’ my mind, wen usully I havta read his.

“Me big wurry and that of all us peeple ona farm was the guvmint was looking ata thing called Capital Gains Tax, witch would have ment if we sold a bit of land, the guvmint would get there grubby hands on our munny. But they caused a real shemozzle, and hadta run for cover. That Juicynda Ardern says she’s givin’ up the idea wile she’s runnin’ things in Wullington.”

Sharlene agreed with Boss, an sed we still mite havta pay more for drinkies at happy our.

“But Deah,” she sed: ”The guvmint reckons this budget is gonna make us feel good too.”

“Humpff,” seda Boss. “Nah,” sed Sharlene. She pickt upa paper and red in her skootecher voice: “It says here that ‘ The Wellbeing Budget on 30 May is about tackling New Zealand’s long-term challenges. It will do this by focussing on five priorities:

Taking mental health seriously

Improving child wellbeing

Supporting Maori and Pasifika aspirations

Building a productive nation

Transforming the economy.”

“Hey yeah. Right, Who gotta majick wand eh? Transforming the econimy?

Buildin’ a productive nation? We bin producting meat and milk and wool; an crops, an food; an exports — an’ all of a sudden we gonna get producting???” Boss had a bitova splutter in his cuppatee.

“Yeah, well deah,” sed Sharlene. “I reckin they acterly mean ‘aspirations’, like that’s wot the govmint wants ter do. Duzzint mean they really goona sukseed in everthing they want.”

“Yeah” seda Boss, “well they lost out ona gains tax thingy, so no probs. If they dont sukseed ina budget, they kin just say they throwin’ it na too hard baskit, an’ think up some other asper-thing wot you sed.”

“Yes deah, aspirations. It’s a good word ‘cos they kin say, well that was our aspiration … an’ then give a reesin why not.”

“So rilly, the answer is a rilly big spunge cake,” sed Boss. “All light an’ fluffy and no jam ina middle.”

Well readas, I give Sharlene me hungry look, an she just give a pat. “No cake Billy mate. Just the Boss havin’ a figure of speech.”

I decided ter head ova to the troff ina house paddick. Figure of speech instead of cake?

Nah.

See ya, Billy