A dog’s tail….

by Paul Campbell

Wen big bruther is wotching

“Well deah, did ya no that big bruther is real an’ watchin’ wot we do?​”

That readas was Boss’s gerlfrend Sharlene talking, wen we was sittin down fer smoko. We was ackterly not ata woolshed, cos Sharlene sed it was such a beaut Sunday weather, we piled ina ute an’ went down by the river for there cuppatees. And yep, a scone for me to.

Anyway, wen Sharlene sed that, Boss hada frown. “I havint got a bruther deah,” he sed.

“Nah,” sed Sharlene. “That’s a figger of speech. It means like someone out there ina govmint is watchin wot ya doing.”

Boss lookt a bit intrestid then. “Wots happened?” he sed.

“Well, do ya ‘member we won sum munny on Lotto online, an’ we decided to just put it back into play for the big jackpot and reinvist our winnings in more tickets, cos it was just a cuipla hundy, not enough to do much with.

“Well, guess wot, I coodint buy any more tickits in Lotto, and a messij on the computa said I have ‘exceeded my limit!!!,” sed Sharlene.

“Nah!” seda Boss. “Who says.”

“Lotto sez, I rang up and the lady ina phone sed we kin only spend five hundy bucks in a month for online Lotto tickits. The guvmint says. Some infernal affairs departmint!”

“So I kin go an’ buy as many tickits as I want from the shops in town wen the jackpot is big. But I can’t do it ona computa?’ sed Boss. “Come on!!”

So Sharlene went an’ got her lapytop cimputa and opened it and show Boss, reading in her skooteacha voice. “All players have a weekly spending limit of $150 and a monthly limit of $500. Of the $150 weekly spending limit, no more than $50 can be spent on Instant Kiwi Online games. These spending limits have been set in conjunction with the Department of Internal Affairs and the Ministry of Health.“

“Blimmin granny state, that’s wot,” seda Boss. “Neva mind, nek time it jackpots ter 20 millyin dollas, I’ll take the ute inter town. Anyway deah, no wurries, I hada bet ina pub. These pommies rekined Ingland was gonna win the Werld Cup, and was thowin’ there munny around. So I stuck sum munny up and got good odds too.”

Sharlene lookt suspishus. “I assume you put ya munny on Souf Africa? How much munny deah?”

“Hah,” seda Boss “Howdja like a tip to Aussie. Top hotel, nice dinners, go ta the Mellbin Cup. The Dog can wotch the farm.” Sharlene gived the Boss a sloppy kiss. Trust Boss to get lucky. An if they go away, cool. Sharlene’s Mum is staying. Roast pork cracklin for me tea.

Cheers, Billy