A dog’s tail …

by Paul Campbell

Boss gotta gogglebox blues

“Well all I can say is thank tha stars that’s over, ya no, Chrissmiss an’ New Year and all,” seda Boss over smoko ona woolshed steps, wile his gerlfrend Sharlene butted me half a scone an’ pored Boss a cuppatees.

“Wot do ya meen, deah,” Sharlene sed.

“Bloomin’ rubbish ona TV alla time ina holidays,” he sed. “Tha blimmin’ Boxon’ Day sales wint on fer a week or more eh? Twenny percint off this, 30 percint of that, 50 percint off everthing in store? Yeah right. How many percint off what was the starting price anyway? Do they reckin we was born yesterday?”

Sharlene give me that half a scone wen Boss wasint looking. Yum. And she sed to him that: “it wasint just the sales that got so boring ona TV deah.

There musta been thousinds of kiwis travelling round the werld an’ stayin’ in top hotels eh?“ Boss agreed.

“Ya gotta meen that hotel advert wear the kiwi lady gets a cheaper rate than anyone else cos she gotta app on her fone?”

“Yep,” said Sharlene. “They only showed that advert about a millyon times all the hollydays. I reckin most kiwis were having campin’ hollydays at the beach, not lyin’ around in Paris hotels. I reckin the TV musta give cheep rates over tha hollydays.”

“Suppse ya mite be rite deah,” sed Boss. “But one things that’s turned out good, now we are back at werk of course, is tha whether has come right.

That wind was a pain on the you no wot, and by tha way, it’s dried everthing up a bit.”

Boss then looked at me. “Whaddya say Dog, we shood hitch up the boat ona ute. And hed for tha harbour at Pahi an’ a bit of fishin’. An tell yer wot deah,” he tole Sharlene. “We’ll take the tent an’ stay a day or two, an’ catch up with the Plumba and Julie ata campsite.”

“Now that’s a blimmin good idea,” Sharlene agreed. “Time for a wee brake froma farm an worryin’ about tha next government bright idea to make out lives misrabil. Oh, by tha way, the papa Billy picked atta kattil stop atta road gate sez we gonna hava reel dry summer, an’ we already losing sum ground water aroun’ Northlind. So we mite as well make hay wile tha sun shines eh?”

There ya go readas, in one breth she says we gonna go campin’ and Boss says fishin’, then they talkin’ about haymakin’, an’ I know we already got that hay in before Chrissmiss!

Sharlene must seen me lookin’ sideways, an’ give me a pat. “Nah, Billy, it’s just a sayin’ we have, not ta wurry. Pahi hear we come.”

So roll on tha sunshine. Barbies atta beach too. An I kin go fer swims. Seagulls ta chase? An a happy New Yeer to ya all, readas.