Counting down the advent calendar

by Andy Bryenton

With just a touch above 11 weeks until the big day, we take a new look at a classic carol and see what’s necessary before Christmas holidays strike.

On the twelfth week before Christmas, my true love gave to me; the revelation that it’s actually only 11 weeks and one day until Santa arrives!

More importantly, it’s time to get a WOF on the boat trailer because on the eleventh week before Christmas we’ll get a letter from 11 relatives a-visiting, who know we live in the sunny north and want to camp on the lawn for the holidays. Then, in a fortnight there’ll be news of 10 snapper leaping in the harbour, so to go with that trailer WOF it’s not a bad idea to give the old fishing rods a spruce up at the outdoors shop, and check the life jackets and beacon too.

Hard on the heels of that come the nine plastic skeletons of Halloween, because no matter how much we say it’s ‘not a Kiwi holiday’ the kids still want candy and a chance to dress up. Forget a lie-in afterwards, as the sunny weather after all this rain will guarantee eight mowers mowing at an hour not conducive to the world cup finals.

Best get our own serviced and ready to make a backyard cricket pitch for when the 11 rellies arrive. November will definitely see the arrival of seven tradies working, as I booked them well in advance to avoid disappointment.

That will avoid the six housemates screaming when we run out of hot water due to the 11 rellies popping in, as the new califont and backup solar water heater will be in. Sorted!

Then there are five rive inappropriate jumpers to post to the friends and family overseas, not to mention the four bottles of navy rum to buy for granny’s infamous Christmas fruit cake.

Better sort those ahead of time, along with the three kids’ gifts on lay-by.

When I was a kid we were lucky to get a cardboard box, now it’s a Playstation, a 50cc motocross bike and a new laptop! With all these ticked off, it’s time to book two tickets to somewhere quiet while the 11 rellies, five of those six housemates (including the three kids) and the eight neighbours with their mowers plan noisy New Years hijinks, probably inviting the seven tradies as well.

That will leave me and the ‘better half’ with one sorted Christmas, and no sign of either a non-native partridge or an unseasonal pear tree in sight!